So you’re in love and decided to get married. The engagement ceremony was beautiful and you just can’t wait for the wedding. Suddenly your fiancé  comes with a long face. What is he saying and why the hell he is suddenly stuttering? What’s that? A prenuptial agreement? a prenup?!! How can this happen to me? Doesn’t he love me? is he planning to divorce me? We aren’t married yet and he already planning to leave me?!

dont-want-to-sign-that-prenup-min

Wait wait wait. Don’t you start crying just yet. Don’t rush to cancel the wedding.
Take a big breath and keep reading it would be  worth your while…

 

First thing first. The first thing you need to think about is: are your relationship strong and loving?
This is the most important question of them all, and it is important whether you were asked to sign a prenuptial agreement or not. If you can’t answer that with certainty than I suggest you take some time to think it over regardless of the prenup. You are deciding to spend the rest of your life with that person and this is not a decision to rush into it. Too many people get married without thinking of that and there is no wonder that so many couples get divorced.  You should realize that a divorce is not so simple and both sides get wounded/ when there are children at the picture all thing get complicated and messy. So if you are not sure stop everything and run for the hills…

prenup - messy divorce

Well, you are still here  reading so I guess you made your decision and you are sure that the person you are going to marry is the right one. No one ran for the hills (it is very exhausting running for the hills) Good! I am happy for you 🙂 To love and to be loved is, in my opinion, our birthright and is the greatest thin in the universe.

So you have a strong and loving relationship so how come you are being asked to sign a prenup?

Prenup : possible reasons your sweetheart is asking you to sign prenuptial agreement

  • He is pressured by someone to get a prenup

    • A person is not an island. It may very well be that his family or friend scared him into thinking that he has to have a signed prenuptial agreement in order to be safe. A lot of parents want to protect their children (even if the children are 40 years old :-))
    • In many cases it is the lawyers that telling your sweetheart that I must, just must, to have a prenup or the earth will swallow him alive… lawyers are like that… and really this is their job. Their job is not to keep the love; their job is to keep their client safe.
    • What to do: I think it is time to think a little bit of your partner. He is in a difficult situation. Between the hammer and the anvil. From one side there are the lawyers and the family who pressure him to get you to sign a prenup. And from the other side, there are you – his love. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He does not want to offend you. He probably was afraid of your reaction. He loves you. You can hummer him and sign the prenup or you can help him stand up to his family. It is your call but the important thing is to communicate with him. Tell him what you are feeling. Tell him how you felt when he asked you to sign the prenuptial agreement. It is important that you two will have a united front against the world.
  • He has a lot of money and assets and you have zilch

    • Let’s face it; sometimes the wealth difference is enormous. Sometimes the difference is so huge it just makes sense. Your partners want to protect his assets. He thinks it is fair. He is not that he thinking about ending the relationship sometime in the future, it just looks natural to him to keep his property. Maybe he wants to make it clear that you two entered the marriage in different conditions.
    • What to do: the most important thing in a relationship is communicating and understanding your spouse. So before you decide what you want to do you should spend some time and efforts to understand your spouse try to look at the situation from his point of view. Looking through his eyes would make the situation look entirely different to you. After you done that you can make your decision more calmly and rationally.
  • He has nothing and you have something, he wants a prenup to prove his love

    • This is the other side of the coin for the last paragraph. Your partner knows you have more assets and money from him, and he doesn’t want to take advantage of you. He doesn’t want you or anybody else questioning his motives for marrying you. It is quite noble of him because usually, the more wealthy side initiates the prenuptial agreement. The fact that he is the one to offer to sign a prenup should make it clear to you that you picked the right partner for your journey
    • What to do: well, in this case, it doesn’t matter much if you end up signing the prenup or not. You have a good spouse and I think you are going to be happy. You should sit down with him and explain to him, that you understand where he is coming from. If you decide to sign the prenup tell him and if not, be gentle and explain to him the reasons.
  • He saw a prenup signing on television and it looked cool

    prenups are cool man

    • Yes, this also happens. A lot of people get influence from movies television or other media. Many of them try to imitate other people behavior. The especially like to imitate the behavior of famous people. It may be that your fiancé is one of those lots and he wants to look cool and smart by asking for a prenup.
    • What to do: first explain to him that serious decision of life should be taken this way. Important decisions are not to be taken lightly. Then you should speak to him and find out if there is a real need for the offer. If he has serious motives you should address if but if it was some sort of a game just forget it.
  • He has bad experience from the previous relationship and thinks a prenup will keep him safe

    • Has your fiancé been through a hard breakup? Maybe former wife cleaned him dry?  Some man or women after been wounded once by a bad relationship can be traumatizing. They had such bad experience that day must feel safe. It is understandable is it not?
    • What to do: the important thing is to make him feel safe and understood. He needs the assurance that with you, it will be different. If you don want to sign the prenup you should do it very gently because you don’t want to scare him off. Whatever you going to do you should show him a lot of love because he his injured.
  • He wants to open a clean slate with you and a prenup will let him do that

    • Clean slate, wow, I love clean slates, the opportunity to start over clean, and to fix past issues. Not many of us can do that. Maybe this is what he is driving at. When you sign a prenup each one o you sort of put his thing on the side and from now on you are building something together. Every profit or property you will make or buy will belong to the both of you. There is some beauty in this notion.
    • What to do: well it is quite romantic if you think of it. Even if you refuse to make this gesture you need to show him that you appreciate it. Make him understand that for you, it is also a fresh start and that you happy to do it with him.
  • He is afraid to get married and a prenup gives him an excuse

    • Even if your partner loves you very much he can still be afraid of the idea to be tied up. People in these situations try to put an obstacle in the way of the wedding. A prenup can be just that: a reason to postpone the wedding.
    •  What to do: this is a tricky one. You should find out if this is some sort of “wedding phobia” or maybe he isn’t clear about his will. You don’t want to marry someone that is not sure he wants to.

 

So you can see that there are a lot of reasons for your partner to bring up the prenup business. Some reasons are bad and some are worse ): and some are actually good.

The important this is to take this lemon and make some lemonade. Use it as a growth opportunity. Growth as individual and growth as a couple. you can even make the prenup together Easily and with minimal cost in this link.  You have a chance to really talk to your partner. You can get to know him really well and to figure out his true nature. Learn his motives and his fears. Learn how he acts in time of crises and argument. Learn how to calm him down. Learn how to communicate with him. If you’ll go on with the wedding this knowledge will help you many more years to come.

Good luck.

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